The riddle of Higgins

"G" of the Junior Ganymede recently posted, without much comment, The Song of the Strange Ascetic by G. K. Chesterton.

If I had been a Heathen,
I’d have praised the purple vine,
My slaves should dig the vineyards,
And I would drink the wine.
But Higgins is a Heathen,
And his slaves grow lean and grey,
That he may drink some tepid milk
Exactly twice a day. 

If I had been a Heathen,
I’d have crowned Neaera’s curls,
And filled my life with love affairs,
My house with dancing girls;
But Higgins is a Heathen,
And to lecture rooms is forced,
Where his aunts, who are not married,
Demand to be divorced. 

If I had been a Heathen,
I’d have sent my armies forth,
And dragged behind my chariots
The Chieftains of the North.
But Higgins is a Heathen,
And he drives the dreary quill,
To lend the poor that funny cash
That makes them poorer still. 

If I had been a Heathen,
I’d have piled my pyre on high,
And in a great red whirlwind
Gone roaring to the sky;
But Higgins is a Heathen,
And a richer man than I:
And they put him in an oven,
Just as if he were a pie.

Now who that runs can read it,
The riddle that I write,
Of why this poor old sinner,
Should sin without delight—
But I, I cannot read it
(Although I run and run),
Of them that do not have the faith,
And will not have the fun.

Now I am well aware that to try to answer the riddle of Higgins is to miss the point of the poem (which is presumably to laugh at Higgins and feel superior to him) and to be something of a spoilsport, but that is nevertheless what I am going to do. "Higginses" -- irreligious folk who unaccountably drop the ball when it comes to eating, drinking, and being merry -- are common enough, and it seems worthwhile to try to understand them.

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First answer: Most of the things that Chesterton imagines himself doing if he were a heathen, are things that very few people can do. The world is full of men who would very much like to "fill their lives with love affairs," but only those few with the natural gifts of a Casanova are actually able to live that life. Even fewer have the wherewithal to send armies forth in conquest, and of those that do, only a few successfully return with northern chieftains to grace in captive bonds their chariot wheels. A "heathen" lives life on worldly terms, and his success is dependent on his worldly gifts. If these are moderate, it makes more sense for him to pursue success in the modest arena of lecture-rooms and dreary quills than to try (and inevitably fail) to be Alexander the Great. A man of no special talents can be a good, even exemplary, Christian, but only a rather sad-sack heathen. That is why Nietzsche said Christian morality is suitable for slaves, and heathen morality for masters.

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Second answer: Higgins, as a 19th- or 20th-century Westerner, is not a naive or natural heathen, but rather a post-Christian heathen. Whether or not he himself has ever been a Christian, his heathenism exists in the context of a Christian or post-Christian culture, and that makes a difference. Christianity has taught him, directly or indirectly, to scorn wine-bibbing, to disapprove of warlords and womanizers, and so on -- and all this has been internalized to the point that, even as a "heathen," he finds himself unable to pursue such a course in life with the proper gusto. Western culture has, historically, already understood the limitations of heathenism and moved beyond it, and any attempt to revert to that earlier state is bound to be highly artificial and ultimately unsuccessful. Higgins can no more be a proper heathen than he could be a proper hunter-gatherer.

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Third answer: Higgins's heathenism is not at odds with his asceticism or pusillanimity; it is an aspect of it. Just as he denies himself the comforts of wine and dancing girls, so also he denies himself the comforts of religion. Just as he prefers a carefully regulated diet and a low-risk career, so also he prefers the perceived safety of trusting what Studies Have Shown over taking a leap of faith. Just as he is content with a humdrum life, so is he content with a humdrum view of life. It has never occurred to him to aspire to be a god, and so the idea of God has little appeal.

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Fourth answer: Hedonism does not follow from atheism any more than any other way of life does. If there is no God, all is permitted -- including being a Higgins. A truly irreligious person has no sense of what kind of life he ought to lead, so he just leads whatever kind of life comes naturally to him. That is, he succumbs to his native vices. If he is boiling over with lust and passion and thirst for glory, then he gives those drives free reign and leads the sort of life Chesterton imagines his heathen self leading. If, rather than lust and pride and gluttony, his besetting vices are cowardice and sloth, he gives those free reign and leads an entirely different sort of life.