Lassie: Here comes Uncle Balty ... and he looks all excited!
Balty: Lassie! Have you still got that nickel I gave you last night?
Lassie: Why ... no, Unc ... I - I .. spent it!
Balty: Where, child? I've just got to have it back ... that nickel was my lucky coin ... my 1872 nickel!
Lassie: Now where did I spend it?
Balty: I've got a big deal on the fire, and I wouldn't dare to go into any big deal without that lucky coin in my pocket!
Lassie: Oh, now I remember! I got bubble gum in that machine down the street!
Balty: Then let's go! I've got to get that nickel!
Lassie: Right in that store there, Unc!
Balty: Good! Par'm me, officer!
Cop: What th'...? Say! What's the big i...?
Balty: Life or death, officer ... in there ... bubble gum!
Cop (thinking): Hmm ... well, if he needs bubble gum that bad ...
Lassie: That machine in the corner, Unc!
Balty: One side, madam!
Fat lady: Say! Who do you think you're pushing?
Balty: No time for idle chatter, madam ... oh, see here, proprietor! Open this gum machine right away, will you? Gotta have a nickel outta here right away!
Proprietor: Now see here, buster ... I'm a busy man ... beat it!
Balty: Well, if you won't open it ... by blazes, I will!
Proprietor: That does it ... out you go!
Lassie: Oh, Unc ... when you get time ... I just remembered! I didn't put that nickel in the gum machine ... I gave it to a poor man for a cup o' coffee!
Balty: Fine! Then I won't bother with the gum machine any more! While I make this call, Lassie, see if you can get my clothes sponged and pressed in a hurry!
Lassie: Sure, Unc!
Balty: Coin of no coin, I'll still have to get to that meeting! Why there's my lucky piece! I recognize the nick in the edge!
Fat lady: My, my! I must have dropped a nickel!
Balty: My nickel, madam ... it fell out of my pants cuff!
Fat lady: A likely story, indeed! ... From inside a phone booth, I suppose?
Balty: Well, this is one fight, s'help me, I won't lose!
Cop: Well, I'll be a ding-busted Cupid if it ain't the bubble gum addict! Now look, bub, bumping over the law t'go bubble gum happy is bad enough, but when you chase fat old dames up Main Street in pink rompers, I'll just hafta wrap you up!
Balty: But she's got my nickel, I tell you!
Next day ...
Lassie: I can't eat breakfast, Roberta ... thinkin' about me makin' poor Uncle miss that big deal, an' losin' a milyun dollars, maybe!
Roberta: But here comes Uncle now, and ... he's all excited again!
Balty: Ee-yow! I always said Lassie was my lucky star!
Roberta: Lucky! But didn't she make you miss that big contract?
Balty: Yes, thank goodness! But take a look at what I missed! She saved me a fortune!
Newspaper headline: Big syndicate wiped out in uranium mine swindle, millions lost
[Note: Balty's 1872 nickel could have been either a five-cent Shield nickel or a three-cent nickel. Despite the illustration, it couldn't have been a Jefferson nickel, as those were not minted until 1938.]
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