Harvard, Yale, Howard, Jail

When I was in Moab, Utah -- mountain-biking mecca, hippie capital of Deseret, and one of the most interesting places I've ever lived -- I often used to see T-shirts, bumper stickers, and such that said "NEW YORK LONDON PARIS TOKYO MOAB" (sometimes with a few other cities thrown in).

In case you're having trouble visualizing it...

This morning I woke up with a fragmentary dream-memory of seeing a similarly designed T-shirt that read "HARVARD YALE HOWARD JAIL." I wasn't sure what it was supposed to mean, except that it was obviously super racist (Howard is "the black Harvard," so the black Yale is -- jail?), so I didn't give it any further thought.

Almost immediately after waking -- before I had even brushed my teeth or anything -- I checked the Babylon Bee. This is not normal behavior for me; I do check the Bee a few times a week, but it's not like it's the first thing I do every morning. Nevertheless, today I felt a sudden urge to do so. The first article I clicked on was "Kamala Harris to hold discussion with Harvey Weinstein on empowering women and girls."

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Howard University has announced a very special virtual event that will be broadcast to college students this week. One of the hotly anticipated discussions will feature Kamala Harris and Harvey Weinstein as they talk about empowering women and girls. 

"Listen-- I like girls. All kinds of beautiful young girls-- empowering them, I mean," said Weinstein, who will be broadcasting from an upstate New York prison where he's serving time for empowering too many girls.

Female VP Kamala Harris, who is empowered, also expressed excitement about the upcoming talk, saying: "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A-HEE HEE HEE!"

The conversation will last 1 hour, and then Cruella Deville and Michael Vick will hold a special live discussion on humane puppy treatment.

Howard, jail, and a guy whose name sounds like "Harvard." Not bad.

As usual, the Bee's "satire" didn't stray too far from the truth, so it was easy to guess which search terms to enter to track down the real story it was spoofing. In fact, the event will be with Bill Clinton, not Harvey Weinstein.

Bill Clinton went to Yale.