When I was a missionary, we memorized and often had to recite an excerpt from the canonical account of Joseph Smith's First Vision, beginning with the line "I saw a pillar of light." This image, though, seems to show the opposite: a pillar of darkness, caused by the eclipse.
This idea of a "pillar of blackness" made me think of an incoherent story written by one of my brothers when he was very young and preserved in a collection of Tychonievich juvenilia known for historical reasons as the Scarlet Notebook. Here's how it begins, and if you can understand what's going on, you're a smarter man than I am, Gunga Din. Note that the name Wooma rhymes with melanoma, not with Montezuma. You should also know that this story has achieved undisputed classic status in my family. We quote from it as if it were Monty Python.
Wooma was going to a meeting. It was for L.L.L.L. (light, light, light, light) wizards. Wooma was an L.L.L.L.T. (light, light, light, light turquoise) wizard.When he got to the meeting, he found the cause. The L.L.L.L.L. (a light, light, light, light, light) wizard directed."The black wizard is back!" L. said. "He is preparing to ash-storm us!""I smoke his cave!" said Emisto, arching smoke from hand to hand.Erik suddenly darted out the door! Emisto and Enel followed! Then everybody followed -- or at least they tried. A darkness swallowed them. L. lit the room, but darkness continued to get stronger! So did the light! Finally, everyone except Wooma and L. left.Then a pillar of blackness appeared. Out of the pillar stepped Blander the Black! Death shot from Blander's hand -- a blinding light in return!A black dragon was made from the roof. Fire flared from its mouth. The building was in flames! Frantically, Wooma turned the flames to turquoise! Flames returned but were turned back to turquoise!Meanwhile, L. had blinded Blander, and Blander killed L.!Then the dragon shot, but as it came out of its mouth, it turned to ash! Enraged, the dragon blasted fire at Blander the Black, but Blander vanished into his pillar of blackness.The building erupted in flames. Wooma turned turquoise for an hour. When the hour was over, so was the fire.The place was burnt, as were the four closest cottages. The dragon was puffing uselessly at a heap of ash. Wooma looked at his land. It was black. His orchard was gone, his corn was gone, and his home was gone.He told the dragon to take his land. Then he sat down and slept. When he awoke, the dragon was eating his land!He went to Emisto's house to have breakfast. Then he set off for Eankerdnosh. He was going to try for king's wizard. The king was called Deornoch Knod.
It goes on like that for a few more pages. I vividly remember the first time I heard this story, when it was read aloud by the author at a student literary club. A friend and I were finally asked to leave because we couldn't stop laughing. We did make a valiant effort to control ourselves, successfully getting through the part where Wooma "hid by changing into a turquoise chair cover" during his job interview and the part where "he clapped his hands together and they both disappeared," but when "he frankly turned all the grass around the entrance to turquoise," we lost it. That "frankly" was the straw that broke the camel's back. For me, the real story ends with Wooma frankly turning the grass to turquoise. Everything after that I read only much later, when it was typed up for inclusion in the Scarlet Notebook, and it therefore feels less canonical.
As I've mentioned before, William Wright has connected eclipses with black holes on his blog. After seeing the pillar of blackness in the Remnant Eclipse Conference logo and thinking about Blander the Black, I randomly decided to run a web search for blander the black. I don't know what I was expecting to get, but what I got was black holes:
Another sync: In "Wolves," the post immediately before "The Heavens speaking through eclipses," William Wright recounts a childhood dream about a monster -- likely a wolf -- on its way to his house:
I began to move very steadily forward, and I was aware that I was moving toward the house. I could see it in the distance, and I was heading for it. I became aware that I was seeing things through the eyes of whatever it is that was coming for me, and I was scared. My vision began to shift between the house itself, and back through the eyes of whatever it was that was coming, and it was getting closer and closer.Though I never saw whatever it was in the dream, I have always associated it with a wolf.
In "The Heavens speaking," William links to an old Salt Lake Tribune article about Denver Snuffer and his movement. I followed the link and read the article on my phone, and at the end I found this:
In case you missed it, wolves are on their way.
One last sync note: The first I ever heard of Denver Snuffer (about whom I still know very little) was in a comment on this blog by Ben Pratt, dated April 6, 2021. The second mention of Snuffer by anyone I know was the post by William Wright, about a conference planned for April 6, 2024. April 6 as an anniversary is a big thing among Mormons; besides being the date the Church was formally organized, it is also held by many to be the true date of both Christmas and Easter.
