A few times a year I check The Onion just to see if they've somehow become funny again. Not really, but sometimes I find something synchy. In this case, "Agriculture Secretary Demands U.S. Farmers Invent 5 New Melons By Friday."
Published: August 12, 2025WASHINGTON—Warning that America could not afford to fall behind in gourd-based innovation, U.S. Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins issued a statement Tuesday demanding that U.S. farmers invent five new melons by Friday. “Our nation cannot keep coasting along on the same old watermelons and cantaloupes forever without losing its standing on the world stage,” said Rollins . . .
Melons have been in the sync stream for a while now, most recently in Bill's cantaloupe dream published on the same day as the Onion article.
5 comments:
5 new melons by Friday. Some days, I eat six impossible melons before breakfast.
Heh, this brought mellon to mind again in connection with a tweet I was directed to yesterday. I hardly know a lick of Russian so the audio is gibberish to me, and commenters say druzhnost' translates better as "cohesion" or "coordination", but that's beside the point. Ukraine isn't the only reason for the upcoming meeting; the Cabal's stopped the US and Russia from working together for too long.
nitter.net/MyLordBebo/status/1955016154810028360
Melon/ Mellon gives us the link between Stones and Friends, and a native Elvish speaker would understand the headline initially to refer to five new friends by Friday. The fact that Stones are associated with individuals (their names/ identities/stories, in some way, associated with them) makes the link fairly natural.
Further, given the association of a Melon with a Stone (per the cantaloupe comparison of the Rose Stone), it was potentially relevant here to see mention of a Watermelon, since we had recently interpreted Jeffrey Epstein's last name as "Water Stone".
The melon reference also gives us a perhaps yet another tie to Thingol-John. It is not well known, but one of the original names of Thingol was Ellu Melemno (sorry, another name you get to tuck away). That last name gives us a really curious link to Friends and the number 5, and also to Friday, or the fifth day of the week (if Monday is the first).
Though Eldamo doesn't have a definition of Melemno, you can piece a reasonable one together pretty easily. "Mel-" gives us "friend, beloved, love", and I will leave the L with emno as well, to make "lemno". This would be a suitable variation of "lemne" (the -o is often a modifier for other vowel endings). Lemne, go figure, means "Five". Thus, the name Melemno can literally be taken to mean "Beloved Five/ Fifth" or "Friend Five/ Fifth Friend/ Five Friends/ etc".
This obviously ties very well with the headline indicating five new "mellons".
It also potentially expands the Four Horsemen to fifth member of the group. I alluded to Tom B. as a potential Fifth, since we had Splinter added to the Four Turtles, for example. Or perhaps John himself is the Fifth, per his Melemno name, and there is another Horseman that needs remapping. Who knows. Along those lines, though, in that magician movie, Now You See Me, the unveiling of the Fifth Horseman was critical to the plot and the movie's ending.
I also have to note the Onion's mention at the end to the possible development of "Talking Melons" was also good, since in our analogy, the Stones do, in fact, communicate or allow individuals to speak with each other.
Melelmno is a pretty direct hit. Impressive.
In Chinese, a watermelon is called a "west melon," and a pumpkin is called a "south melon" (a single word covers melons, gourds, etc.). The wax gourd is called "winter melon," but the words for "winter" and "east" are homophones. Somewhere in Journey to the West, there is a joke about this, with a king lamenting the fact that he has west melons, south melons, and east melons but no "north melons" (since there is no such fruit). So again the need for a new melon, though in this case a fourth one.
A watermelon was prominently featured in Laeth's latest batch of aphorisms:
https://treesandtriads.substack.com/p/wee-wisdom-40
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